valeria out loud

I am laying in bed on this Tuesday night. Tears streaming out from my eyes down past my ears onto my pillow.

It’s grief. It has been creeping in ever so slightly over the past few weeks like this looming dark cloud. Waiting to cascade its water all over me.

My oldest daughter leaves for college tomorrow.

I have been occupied from noticing the clouds darkening around me this Summer; getting ready for this moment. Coordinating all of the moving parts to make sure she had everything for her school dorm. We planned our August around making as many memories as possible, too; pushing those clouds further away from me. Then last minute last week, I planned a grand celebration of our family and our closest friends together to say bye to her tonight- avoiding the clouds for a tad longer.

And. The get together was wonderful. After our family left, our friends stayed behind to help us pack up our car. 🥺☁️ Watching the guys bring all of the Tupperware to the car felt like some sort of ritual. And as I dwelled on these thoughts, it put stress on my dark clouds.

Then after everyone left, my daughter’s best friend came by to say goodbye. He had been away most of the Summer- coming home yesterday. He is heading to BU- their move in date is Friday. Before I called it a night, we hugged. I have loved this lil boy most of his life, he has been the best friend every girl deserves -and now he is 6’1, so smart and kind, and heading off to college. This feeling put a little more stress onto my clouds.

Then finally, I got into bed. I sighed as my husband handed me the card and letter he wrote for our daughter. We all wrote letters as a surprise-to leave on her bed before we leave to head back home tomorrow. His letter was so sweet. It was so different than mine. My letter was set more in empowering her and letting her know that she holds the key to her life and that we are always here for her.

He said so much in less words.

He reminded me of all the beautiful things we have done together and why.

My clouds…finally…breached my eyes.

Goodnight. 🌙