Day 27-Sober October Journal

Hey guys,

Still going strong here!

So last night, Friday night, my husband changed plans during our talk on his drive home after work. We both had heavy weeks with work and he wanted to go out. We were supposed to take-in and carve pumpkins with our girls, but he wanted nothing to do with the mess and everything to do with going out. I did, too. ☺️ (pumpkin carving and painting will wait till Sunday!)

I’m bringing this up because he took us to my favorite kitschy Japanese teppanyaki restaurant down the street…where I love to get scorpion bowls, or better yet, the volcano bowls to split with him. It makes me feel like we are Lady and The Tramp, sipping straws side-by-side from the same drink. Ok so… This sounds like a no big deal situation, but it actually is. Once you get into a rhythm in life, like how you do things, your habits, it’s like second nature. Very much so for eating habits and drinking. Where those habits seem to have a mind of their own.

We went out and had a great time together. The table we got seated with was super fun. The girls were pestering each other a lot when we got there, but that’s life with children; and they stopped as soon as our food was being cooked. Our dinner was great, as it always is there, with the chef making us laugh with his antics and dad jokes. Ok, making me laugh. He was funny! So, yeah, I had a great time without the scorpion bowl. I got a Shirley Temple.. it was gross as shit, but I just sipped it a few times. I wanted a scorpion bowl, believe me, but I was fine without it.

I haven’t yet not had a good time this month. Which is surprising me to realize. I keep putting myself in situations that force me out of my ‘comfort zone’, and then I realize that’s all in my head. That have a drink to have fun mentality is kinda weird for me right now.

This whole month my comfort zone has been shattered.

Casual dinner drinks are gone. Friday night cocktails are gone. Partying drinks are gone. Awkward family situation drinks are gone. Relaxing drinks are gone. Stress drinks are gone. Restaurant drinks are gone. Social drinks are gone. It’s weird to admit, but, I feel exposed in a way. Like, it’s exposing me, to myself, in a whole new way. And it makes me sad to realize this as I am typing, how much I have ‘hid’ myself ..through what I still consider normal drinking.

I am authentically Valeria at the moment.

And I like her.

I like her strong will. Her sass and sarcasm. Her capacity to love and be loved. I like her ability to look at herself under a microscope. How she is not the same person, not even from five years ago. I like her creativity. Her ability to make someone feel special. I like her growing confidence. Her passion for discourse. Her lack of judgment of people and their problems. How she tries to see the bright side in her ever day. I like how she isn’t perfect, and how she can be messy. She’s absolutely clumsy. Highly stubborn.

But she is wonderfully me. πŸ™‚

Ok ok. I wasn’t expecting myself to go that route and I have to get my day going!

Talk to you all soon.. πŸ€