valeria out loud

Hello everyone- just thought I’d share something I was thinking about while in bed this morning.

I have two daughters. Two very wonderfully different personalities, who have two wonderfully different perspectives. Everyone who meets them can’t help but tell me or my husband how great they see the girls. How they are funny and smart, or how they have such great personalities and can carry a conversation, or just how beautiful the aura is that they exude, it’s a beautiful feeling.

I often consider myself lucky that they are my children. And, I like to think that they also feel lucky to have me.

Mom. I’m a mom. It’s funny sometimes to think that I am responsible for two people. I love this role. I think I was made for it- even though my whole young life I was spewing, ‘I’m not having kids’ every day. Lol. Funny how that works out. Being a mom is a lot of work, rewarding work, but it’s scary at times that I am, in fact like I said earlier, responsible for two people. Being a parent in general.

As a parent, being a mom, I do a lot for my children. Out of love to help them grow. Like for the overall obvious caretaker role to cloth, feed and house them. And. To wear so many hats. To be the baker and the chef, the taxi driver, the nurse, the teacher, the housekeeper, the organizer, the activity planner, the emotions coach, the party planner, the carpool wrangler, the banker, etc etc. And. To do a lot of the invisible things too, like keeping their art work throughout the years, writing down all the treasured moments, storing all of their baby clothes for when they move out, etc. But more so being there for them, present, to help to guide them.

My whole life, as a mom first, is dedicated to help them till the day I am no longer able. It’s incredibly important to raise these two humans the best way I can, not just know how, and that comes with breaking down a lot of cycles and societal norms. I’m raising women. Who one day, if they want, will run businesses, will be great friends, could be President, or may be…mothers, too. I want to raise women who have goals and strive forward.

It’s funny. Thinking about how I am raising my girls, I am thinking of what I do for them but there’s a lot that I don’t do for them too…i wanted to share this most of all.

-i do not talk about physical beauty, because how we are born is out of our control;
-i do not criticize them for their bodies, that can create a psychological pattern that cant be reversed if they take my words seriously and personally;
-i do not talk about perfection or having to strive to be perfect, they have enough to deal with to start to think so superficially;
-i do not compare them to one another, or anyone else, because we all bloom and grow in our own way;
-i do not sit idly by as they look sad or seem to be having a hard day, because I know struggle and it’s hard when you’re alone;
-i do not treat talking about sex like it’s taboo or that they’re too young to understand-we all know sex is fun and a natural part of life, so we speak of it with respect -and humor- with the utmost understanding of the responsibility;
-i do not let a moment pass where I dont say ‘I love you’, ‘I’m here for you’, or anything else that makes them feel supported;
-i never say their opinions don’t matter or what they’re saying is invalid, because causing self doubt in another person is poisonous;
-no matter what dreams they’ve shared, from infancy to today, i have never squashed them but only help foster them. ‘You wanna be a heart surgeon? Ok let’s learn together what we need to do to get you there.’…’You want to be a super hero? Ok let’s get you good sneakers first.’…’You want to wear makeup and make TikToks, let’s talk skin care and what privacy means’.

…because I am their mom.

I am where they feel comfort. Can ask questions. Be natural. I am where they can feel safe. Not Judged. Where they can act silly, or have emotional moments, or a place where they feel they can share. Not obligated. Not guilted. I am the place where there is wisdom and experience to be learned from and who can help them feel like themselves.
Absolutely loved. ❤️

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Thanks for listening to my thoughts today. I love my kids so much and hope they know what it takes to be their ‘cool mom’. We all know a good parent comes from a lot of grit, dedication and know how to break cycles. It truly is the most rewarding part of my life. I’ve been learning so much, not only about my children- being able to witness, firsthand, how they’re growing into two amazing people-but also about myself in this journey. What is important for me to help them understand in order to help them be better than me. To not learn and continue learning societal expectations but to be free of it.

Talk soon-

til next time xoxo