Hey WordPress World!
It’s Friday..FINALLY! And a three-day holiday weekend to boot! Well, except for me, it’s a FOUR DAY WEEKEND! Wahooo. Taking Tuesday off to have some fun with the Mr..
So, I wanted to talk about something, I am not sure how it will shake out of me just writing about it without thinking it through but I am going with my feeling.
Most of you that follow me, have read about my changes and that I have been on this life changing ‘journey’ for quite a while. Ever since I changed my exterior in 2009, it really changed me more than I realized it ever would. I realized that all that weight was covering me from a world I wanted to be around. It’s hard to recap that feeling, but because of that one change, I just felt so free and able for the first time in a long time, that I couldn’t help but update everything about myself..inside and out.
You can say I upgraded to Valeria 2.0.
So lately, my journey is about trying to bring myself back to my inner happy place. Yes, I am a happy woman, and you all see it I am sure, but, I seemed to have lost my center point where I am just content with me and not giving a rat’s ass about what others think. I am not meaning that I sit there with fears of what people think about me, because I can tell you all that I don’t care if people like me or not, but I carry this weird baggage of always having to be perfect. Well, put together really.
I don’t like when people see me not put together is what I am saying. I’m not sure why, but I think I like to know that I also have it together. hahaha
Today, I did something I had never done before, which leads me to believe I am coming a step closer to this content center. My husband and I were running late getting the kids off to school. Staying up late like me does have its downsides too. So. We still had to shower, and there was like less than ten minutes left to get them into school without being tardy. So, I did something most people do, but I have never. I just grabbed my kids, my glasses, keys, and drove them to school. No washing up.. hair a hot mess in a bun..no makeup on..in my glasses..tank and yoga sweats..and flipflops. Usually, I have my husband throw on a baseball cap then rush off to get the kids to school, coming back to shower and off to work. So this was new.
I have NEVER in my life done this. NEVER. I have always been so concerned with my appearance, being put together, that I couldn’t ever think I would be able to do this. If I have ever gone out without makeup, it was after I cleansed and moisturized, made sure my hair was straightened, put on large sunglasses and hid from the world. I know this sounds weird, but, I have always wanted to just be this person. The person that can just be, wake up and go. No one would cringe, or say ‘oh my, what happened?’, or that I felt like I would stop the world because I was disheveled.
Strange right? Well, as I was driving to grab a coffee after dropping the girls off, seeing I was without makeup or contacts in the mirror, I gave myself a smile. I didn’t care if anyone saw me or if it would cause the world to stop. haha I had to do something and be somewhere.. and I fucking don’t want to care about other people.
I felt free.
Now, I am not thinking I will be all over the place without makeup on or fresh out of bed in my pajamas. I love love love being dolled up. I am realistically saying that this small thing today defined a moment in myself where I wasn’t preoccupied with putting those concerns ahead of life happening. Today, I wasn’t concerned about who I would see or looking at myself with disgust and that is a big deal in my book.
We all have quirks about ourselves, and well, honestly, mine is and has always been that I never think I am pretty enough without my embellishments. Whatever this body/face image issue inside myself is about, I am going to crush it and make it go away, because most of what is my unhappiness stems from there. And I do not like there.
So today, was a big step in the right direction.
This made me real happy. 🙂