My gosh I have been so busy lately, that I feel like I am forgetting something and I am just not quite sure what it is.. head’s on (check); got a coffee (check); showered and dressed (check). I just don’t know what it can be, but hopefully I can focus to figure it out before realizing it’s something important.
I thought it was about darn time I buckled myself to this chair to write an update. I haven’t done this in quite some time.. I feel like a broken record saying that, but it feels like all I do is throw pictures at you then run off to do something else. But I want to change this and get back to scribing about my life more. I am feeling a little less stressed, so this is a good time to start!
RIght now, I am in the thick of the girls’ birthday plans. Knee deep in crafts! As I have alluded to before, the girls have their annual joint birthday bash coming up next weekend, a Harry Potter birthday. I am so excited! As I have mentioned in previous birthday posts, they have a joint party because although they are two years apart, they are 2 weeks apart in the month. We started the joint parties a handful of years ago to be less of a burden on family with having to attend two parties in two weeks. It has always worked out because I get to throw a huge party, something I love doing, and the girls end up having amazing memories together with all their family because everyone makes sure to attend. We end up with more than 50 people every year after we invite friends and school friends; with about 24 of them under the age of 9!
Yes, I may be slightly insane. 😛 But I cap the kid count at 2 dozen.
This will be their last joint party. (sad face) I cannot believe it will be their last together..and I cannot believe it’s already upon us! I am sorta bummed about this, splitting up their birthdays, but I did leave it up to them to decide if they wanted to keep their party together or not. You guessed it. Not together. They voted that when my oldest turned 10 (next year) they’d be separate so they can choose their own theme and invite their friends only. It is only right. It saddens me, but it also stresses me out a bit. Idk why, but the thought of not inviting everyone then throwing two parties in less than a month, the way I throw them? Well, let’s just say I need another job and some assistants!
I am just kidding. sorta.
Speaking of jobs. This November 20th I will hit my 14th working anniversary with the Bank. Woah..it’s so surreal to think about. F O U R T E E N Y E A R S. I was so young when I started, and my job was so different then, too. I have survived countless company acquisitions, watched great people come and go (some bad ones, too), got married, bought a house, given a promotion, to only be forced into a demotion two years later when this Bank bought us (without a pay cut TG), had two children, and moved to different cities and offices, all while under the same umbrella with the same manager. It’s been a whirlwind!
As of late though, well, a handful of months or so, some of you closest to me have heard me rant a little..just a little, about wanting to jump from this great ship. Not for more money, cause I am pretty happy where I am there. Not because my boss sucks, cause he is a great guy and so understanding. Not for the benefits, cause corporate life is good. Not for the commute, cause as we all know I love my alone time in the car to blast the stereo and drivitate (drive meditate=driving in pure happiness lol). But. For the work at hand. I have been doing so many creative things lately for my family on the side, that I have felt so inspired that I want to be in a creative environment. What exactly, I am not 100% sure.
I have been giving this a lot of thought, over many months..and if you know me, you know how analytical my mind breaks down things that affect me. It’s like a machine of ‘what ifs’. Honestly, it scares me still to think of taking some risk of trying something new. A creative, hands on business, that probably would leave me feeling amazingly exhausted at the end of the day, but that type of exhausted where I would be so happy and felt accomplished, or that I did something worth doing.
See what I am getting at?
Well, no I haven’t found a new job yet or started a business…but, I am not much of a risk taker off the cuff. I love to be creative though. I have free-spirited, insanely creative ideas all the time streaming from my soul. It’s fun when people ask for my help. Most especially when my husband bounces creative work ideas off me, and when we collaborate this way it makes me feel like a bolt of sunshine is bursting out of me. Like I am meant to feel. I give the best advice if you ever need a push or boost of motivation. I can offer my most unbiased opinion if you need it. I will support great ideas and the people who are magic makers to no end. If you told me today you wanted to pack up your life to head to the mid-West to become a cattle rancher, well I would say go do it! And then help you research small town life and shop for the best quality chaps New England has to offer!
But to heed my own advice…pssh, NO WAY!!
This all has changed for me though. I started thinking about doing something new after I went to a birthday party before the beginning of the Summer. My husband’s former colleague, good friend, had a fantastic turn out for his big birthday. There I met a business owner, not just any business owner, but owner of Petsi Pies.
BUT HER ENERGY SCARED ME. In a great way!! —> Here’s why.
Well, at the party they had a table topped with a few selections of pies. It was odd to me, but hey what if the bday boy had an obsession? My husband and everyone around me were eating pecan pie, chocolate pie and some bday cake. I am not a big dessert person, so I drink more wine and grab a handful of chips. 🙂 Heaven right? Well, they are all going on about the pecan pie, and well, I honestly never tried that before cause I am Italian..for the Thanksgiving holiday we eat ricotta pie, cannoli or other most amazing fattening desserts. I say I am all set with the pie, but no one ever lets me get away without trying something. So, my husband proceeds to shove an unsolicited piece of pecan pie into my mouth while telling me, the food snob, that I will love it..and oh.my.gawd did I. Ladies and gentlemen, I floated to that table after that one bite and grabbed the biggest slice of pie I could. Ate the whole damn thing, and went back for the chocolate pie! 🙂 Now that is heaven, right?
Ok, that isn’t the whole story. But, man, her baking was off the chain good.
Well, the buzz was, as I was shoving more bites of pecan pie in my face, that this pie woman at the party was our friend’s former neighbor. She is this big Cambridge pie shop owner and restaurant owner. Since I live under a rock, I had no clue. The birthday boy happened to swing by our group to chat, and he started on stories about how she would bake all these pies and had our friend taste test them, and how she was not a baker..etc. Well. As I finish my pie(s), this force of energy, this gorgeous Maya Angelou soulful wisdom type woman sits next to me, and of course, it is the pie woman. Since I have no filter or shyness, I start talking to her. I should add I may have been a touch buzzed. Just a touch though. BUT, right after my ‘hello’ I start up with ‘how did you go from pie maker at home to pie maker extraordinaire with a few shops AND a restaurant?’.
Well, this woman took me on a verbal journey like no one else. This is what was so scary. Claiming my own guts and glory.
She starts talking to me like we were long lost pals, walking me down the roads of her start to her today. The trials of having a family and trying to make a business a success. She started to ask me about myself and lightly inadvertently advising me on what to do in my own life to make it happy. As if she could sense that I had this creative beast inside me wanting to come out and play in the real world. So, I told her how I always dreamed of owning a cafe, how much I love to cook and love to entertain. She just continued spouting so many connected life lessons every time I brought something to light.
From this complete and utter stranger, came words that I had never heard before. UPLIFTING ONES. The go fight for what you want ones. The look inside yourself and make that light happen ones. The truly good ones you should hear your whole life.
I never really thought about my own happiness like she was sharing with a job. Sounds weird, I know. But I always looked at my job like a place to just get through making great money. Even with my husband by my side, who is in a creative place and who never thinks of his job as a negative place or work to do, I never thought I could have that mindset.
After meeting her, I was literally shaken. Afraid actually, but excited at the same time. Still am when I think of our encounter months later. Just by this new outlook on thinking about things that surround me. To think that I can turn my world upside down, and it will all be ok. Because upside down may very well be where I need to be..well, it’s electric to think about.
Have I ever mentioned I have a ‘perfection’ complex? I think this is what holds me back from doing some things in my life. I am so frightfully afraid of failing, disappointing or hurting people that I figure not doing it is ok. And well, IT IS NOT.
I am not saying that I am going to leave my job, for the moment, at least. And, though small changes have been made in my office lately that have been helpful in making me feel better about my office / job, it isn’t where I see my future. I am saying I do not have a clue what I am trying to figure out. But these feelings all came about, they are in me.
But that is life right? To figure out what ways we can change to make us happy. That type of happy that is in us always, not flighty, not short lived, but that feeling that drives us for more of it. Maybe it is taking risks. Maybe turning your whole life upside down is how you do it. As long as when you end your day you feel it is worth it. Right??
I don’t know what this all means either, but the positive force that I saw in that woman made me feel so good. Just good to see nice people who are hard-working getting ahead and how they are willing to share/help. I never got a chance to get my guts up to email this woman, she gave me her card after she said she would love to talk to me. It scares me to write her. hah That happiness within, there is only so much I can handle at a time. haha
She had given me so much encouragement, that when I look at her business card I become somewhat afraid. I guess afraid of positive change..the real kind. I don’t know, but it’s lessening, and one day I will get up enough of the guts to make some real good change in my life. For the time being, Thank you, Renee, and thank you to all those people like her, that are out there talking to others in such a positive and meaningful way.
I always say, “You meet people for a reason. No matter who. No matter how and no matter the circumstance.” Everyone is here to teach us. Let’s just hope they are the good lessons.
Well, I gotta fly. Of course!
Till next time. 🙂