Valeria Out Loud

Yes, it’s December 12, 2012!   Two more days to go!

Why am I always giddy about my birthday?  But I am.  I am smiling at this screen right now.

It’s not like I am looking forward to the aging process to really kick in; cause between you and me, I’d rather of stayed in my 20’s.  Did I mention I was pretty back then?  Boy, cause I fucking really was! And stupid me, hated myself every minute of it.  Now I’d die to be 26yr old me.

The upcoming wrinkles and slower metabolism in my future is definitely as frightening as the white hair I see coming. Oh Brother!  Me with white hair?  I shudder at the thought of losing my black hair; which is natural!  My stylist is sweet and says the greys she sees are silver ones, which are ‘the attractive white’ greys.  Even she knows what to say to make me laugh and keep sane.

But I love to celebrate my day, nonetheless.  My day is so close to the holidays and everyone’s bustling around all focused on that.. that I steer the focus where it belongs. Ahem, on me.  Can you tell I am the youngest sibling and a Sagittarius?  Also, as far back as I can remember, it has never failed that something out of my control would happen to kill it.  One story that I will share eventually that is actually real sad and unfortunate. But we will keep it light today.  So, the out of control ruiner even happened one year when I postponed my birthday out with friends to New Year’s Eve night!!

It was a snowy night, but nothing was going to stop me!  I got all dolled up that night; I went to Esprit and bought this swag silver mini dress.  It was super short and it had these turquoise swatches peeking through. So pretty, and I still own it for my children to have.   My friends and I got invited to dinner with my family at this Chinese restaurant my parents loved in Cambridge on Mass Ave.  My parents had another friend with their family there too.  All I remember the whole time was I just wanted to get to Axis on Lansdowne as fast as I possibly could. As soon as we put forks down and I got the nod to leave from my Mom, we piled into my powder blue, 1987 Nissan SX, and started making our way in the fluffy snow towards Kenmore Sq.  (I was a very young girl when I started getting into clubs. So friends were made to let me in.)   We didn’t even make it 15 minutes before the car blew out two tires!  TWO!  There was a snow pile on a tiny median strip that had a snowdrift ahead of it that I thought was just snow. It wasn’t.  There was three inches of pavement. So, needless to say I went over it around the corner and blammo.

Poor Jorge was trying to be the man amongst the car of girls, and offered to get at least one of the tires changed.. but it was a loss. Also, he was useless being 100lbs.  And this was during a time of none of us owning a cell phone. HOLY CRAP how did we survive?  After about 40 minutes, an older couple stopped to ask if we needed help, and they had a cell phone. Helped us call AAA.  We ended up getting towed back to Jorge’s parents’ house cause they lived in the Lechmere area of Cambridge.  Ended up spending a few hours there.. eating sandwiches.  The worst part was having to call my father after 1AM for a ride home.  My dad’s awesome though and we had a connection in silence. Sounds weird, but it is what it is.   He drove all the way to Cambridge in the snow in the middle of the night for me.  He was wearing his pajamas, and it broke my heart.  He either saw that I was full from eating sandwiches or just defeated. That the car ride home was fairly silent, with the exception that we talked about what we’d do with the car. And he had a guy he called already that could help tow it and with the tires.  My dad’s a real good guy. 🙂

….And there was another time when I was 15.. well my parents don’t know this story cause they were away in NY. But I invited a dozen or so of my closest girlfriends from Girls Catholic, where I was a hostage at school. Oye, me in an all girls school.  The one thing I didn’t mention to my parents was that I had also invited the hot, blonde boy I had a crush on to stay over, too.  Wink wink. Nudge nudge.  Ignore that, cause I was way to naive in that dept to have winked or nudged about anything.

Well, the plan was that I was to have a fun slumber party with friends, and MAYBE make out with the boy that I liked. The night started off great.  Everyone was there having fun; the laughing is still ringing in my ears from my friend Ro.  The amount of laughing tears we shed from joking around in the kitchen could have filled a mason jar.  My sisters were doing their own things with their own boyfriends, so they willingly left us alone. Some friends that I hadn’t invited, but were close friends from my pre-all girls school days, surprised me later in the evening by coming in through the living room window with guitars and singing all kinds of songs for and to me. (Aww that was real sweet wasnt it!? Why didn’t one of those cute guys like me!?).  Everything was going so well.  …  Uhm…..Until the boy I invited, who was really into me, or so I thought, started getting a bit too flirty with this girl I invited. Where did that come from?  It was so annoying that HE PAID ATTENTION TO HER!   I just never had to compete for someone’s attention before, and even though I tried it was just too much for me. What a deflating moment.  Nothing ever happened with them that night.  He and I hung out talking the whole night through snuggling and stuff, but I just couldn’t get myself out of that thought that he was at my house, for my day and wanted another girl.  Why the heck didn’t I send him home?   Ugh.  What a shitty thing to do to a 15yr old girl.   A 15 yr old who, even though had the balls to pull off an awesome night like this behind her parents back, sorry guys, was so self conscious that she started in on a lifetime of thinking she wasn’t pretty enough.  Fucking jerk.

Well, needless to say, he and I had this heated relationship off and on, for what felt like forever in my mid to late teens.  We did end up making out, like a lot, but looking back it.. it was horrible. YES, Jonathan, it was horrible.  I never liked kissing him back.  And, not just at 15 but throughout. I deserved to have someone like me that wasn’t a tool.  Am I wrong? No.

So, yea, my birthday.

Thankfully, the crazy drama that surrounding my birthday subsided a lot after I met my husband in 1996.  He knows that I think my birthday is cursed. He is a real good guy and does his best to make my day special.  From time to time there are issues that are out of our control, but he goes out of his way to make sure it happens.  Even through a freak snowstorm when I turned 24. I appreciate that so much.  And I can’t wait for this weekend.

Nothing is going to keep this girl down on her day, ever!  🙂

Happy twelve twelve twelve.