valeria out loud

Hey everyone- No-one really prepares you for what grief feels like- especially not from losing a parent. Not the kind that lingers in the everyday. In the smallest moments. In-between spaces of life.

Since losing my dad in November, I’ve come to understand that grief isn’t linear. It isn’t something you “move on” from. It’s something you learn to carry.

There isn’t a day where I don’t sit in the quiet ache of missing my dad. Some days are lighter than others, but the weight of that absence never really leaves. It’s the kind of void that becomes part of you.
And yet… my dad finds his way back to me.

Sometimes it’s in the smile of my oldest daughter; something in her face catches me off guard, and there he is. I pause, caught in that swirl of love and longing, seeing him live on in her.

Other times, it’s my youngest daughter telling a story- the rhythm, timing, how long it takes her to land the punchline (if you knew my dad you’d understand how he gave random minutiae we never needed to know lol). But, her stories echo of him so clearly that it stops me in my tracks. And again, I feel it… he’s here.

Grief is heavy, but it’s also proof of something beautiful. Love. The only difference now is that our love just changed shape. I just really miss hearing him telling me how much I lit up his world. Every day up until he couldn’t any longer, he would tell me that the sun shined brighter when I was around.

But the reality was ..he was my sun. Xo.

I miss you every single day, Papà. 💗

Valeria