valeria out loud

Hi all- Long time no see.

I am not here with great news. My father passed away on November 15, 2025. He was 86 years old. He had been battling late onset Parkinson’s Disease since being diagnosed in 2021. Though, the true declining symptoms didn’t begin until 2023. And the most devastating over the past seven months. (Which should explain why I went silent on here so soon after the year started; I just didn’t have the extra time or mind space to read or post.)

I can’t believe he has a death date, guys. What a fucked up feeling to see it.

So. I just feel like drafting this all down.

My father, Salvatore, aka Sal or Salvo, fell so ill with his PD symptoms, as I said, over the past seven months. His decline was a daily observation and deflation of my emotions- he was in almost full immobility, suffering with the PD hallucinations, barely eating. It was just a lot.

That Saturday morning, the 15th, I had received a FB message from my eldest sister in Italy with the news that my father’s older brother passed away, at 88 yo. He had been failing in health too so I was sad; also, he was my father’s favorite out of his four brothers. They were closest in age and just similar. I notified my own family, and started my Saturday chores. So Saturday, it was my older sister’s day to go by my parent’s house- we had an alternating schedule throughout the week, working alongside aides to ensure meds, socializing, and safety were all managed.

But early on this Saturday I got a call. Calls are never a good sign of anything for me. I’m a texter, idgaf what the conversation is, I am not talking on the phone.

She said that my father was aspirating and that she called the on-call hospice care nurse. So I rushed down to the house and when I arrived…well, it was awful and forced the 911 call. He did not look good or normal. The fire department and police showed up so quickly, and rushed my father to Boston Medical. While in the transport truck before leaving they did tests and found my father had pneumonia and was septic.

This is what truly harms a person with Parkinson’s- over time, the slow shut down of their body causes other issues to arise in their body. He was already suffering in so many other ways but never pneumonia.

The whole ER ordeal was just awful- not the staff, but the reality. Just. This was my father’s last day on Earth. Battling to breathe and to simply exist.

My mother was by his side. Myself. My husband showed up soon after. My older sister and her two sons, who were driven down. We had our oldest sister call and asked her to make plans to come home. My oldest daughter called on FaceTime. My niece called. My nephews said their goodbyes then left with my sister and my husband- who went to drop them off at home then to pick up our youngest daughter.

I stayed with my mom. The first round of medication was administered to calm my father’s breathing. Then we had a priest visit them both. He anointed my father. My father was not coherent but he knew. Then after an hour or so, my husband arrived with our daughter just as my father was paper admitted then soon after he was moved to a new floor in the hospital.

It was a great space- large and stark white, peaceful. The million dollar view of Boston’s Back Bay reflected in the rain outside the window. My mom sat to his right, I did further down too. My daughter and husband hung back on my father’s left side. As we watched him and chatted. My sister returned later, and sat next to me.

At around 9:27PM, my mom, older sister, youngest daughter and husband were all in the hospital room as I saw my father’s chest rise and fall so shallowly and pass away. Ugh no one else noticed, but his face changed so I checked his pulse. He was a do not resuscitate patient – so there were no monitors alerting. We called the staff and they confirmed of his passing.

I didn’t know what to expect this day. I knew he was suffering, but I honestly wasnt expecting him to die this night.

It may seem strange, but as I think about this in retrospect, his peaceful passing was a gift. 💗

To himself. For he is no longer suffering.

To my mother. For she is also no longer suffering as his wife and caretaker.

To his children. For he is at peace and we were able to usher him on to his next adventure.

– And before I go- I don’t know what you all believe, religiously or spiritually, but the remarkable thing is is that my father’s older brother passed away on the same day. BUT THEN after my father passed we got word that their oldest brother passed away one day later at 99 yo. Like what!!??Three brothers left Earth together. Unbelievable to still think about.

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My father means a tremendous amount to me, and I was lucky throughout my entire life to have so many moments together. He was a lot older than most other dads in my friend groups. So as he slowed in life naturally by age, I was there. Always.

My father was a very good man. He was a stoic type- strong when things in life went sideways. Ernest. Hard-working, often working a second job to make sure we lacked for nothing. Funny, in a silly way. Yet- He could be extremely serious.

My father could fix anything. Albeit, I called his talent ‘Frankensteining It’. Seriously though, his ability to understand how to make things work or repair them was something otherworldly and impressive.

He was a very involved grandfather, aka Nonno. My oldest daughter is my parent’s first grandchild, and she was the spark in their eyes that started their journey as grandparents. They have six grandchildren total- each one enriched with their love.

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If you’ve read this far, thank you for holding space for me. My father was a beautiful man, and I am who I am because of him. And I am so proud of this fact.

Here is my father’s obituary if you are curious- he lived a wonderful life all about his family – https://obits.barilefuneral.com/salvatore-graceffa

xo